"I" Statements
When a person feels that they are being blamed – whether rightly or wrongly – it’s common that they respond with defensiveness. “I” Statements are a simple way of speaking that will help you avoid this trap by reducing feelings of blame. A good “I” statement takes responsibility for one’s own feeling, while tactfully describing a problem.
“I feel emotion word when explanation.”
- “I feel…” must be followed with an emotion word, such as “angry”, “hurt”, or “worried”.
- Careful wording won’t help if your voice still sounds blaming. Use a soft and even tone.
- In your explanation, gently describe how the other person’s actions affect you.
Examples
Blaming | “You can’t keep coming home so late! It’s so inconsiderate.” |
“I” Statement | “I feel worried when you come home late. I can’t even sleep.” |
Blaming | “You never call me. I guess we just don’t talk anymore. You make me upset.” |
“I” Statement | “I feel hurt when you go so long without calling. I’m afraid something is wrong.” |
Practice
Blaming | Your son always cancels plans at the last minute. Recently, you were waiting when they called to say they couldn’t make it |
“I” Statement |
Blaming | Your daughter takes all phone calls in the middle of the night. you have repeatedly been woken up |
“I” Statement |
Blaming | Your partner keeps borrowing money from your joint account, the balance is becoming a real issue and you are continually going into overdraft. |
“I” Statement |
Try to use “I” statements to reduce emotional confrontations