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Defining The Boundary

What is the issue, circumstance, area of concern? What do you need to achieve? Examine your motive in wanting to set this boundary. Is it in response to clear thinking about an area of concern or is it an angry response to a set of circumstances? If the person wasn’t using substances would you accept…

Setting A Boundary

Having thought about the boundary you would like to set and being prepared to talk about it, the next thing is to set it with the substance user. The skill to utilise is negotiation. It is important to build and maintain a dialogue between the user and other family/whānau members – this will work well…

If A Boundary Is Broken

Written and adapted by Tony Trimingham FDS Australia from various sources, especially the website of Adfam, UK. Adfam is a similar organisation to Family Drug Support Aotearoa New Zealand and Family Drug Support Australia. You can expect boundaries to be broken by substance users – especially when they are first put in place. They will…

When Dialogue And Negotiation Doesn't Work

This maybe means that the first boundary to ask for is that there is to be dialogue and negotiation. If your attempts to achieve negotiation have not worked you may then have to impose it. This can be done verbally and/or in writing e.g. ‘I notice that whenever I try to discuss your drug using…

Ways To Positively Express And Resolve Anger

Written and adapted by Tony Trimingham Family Drug Support Australia from various sources, especially the website of ADFAM UK. Adfam is a similar organisation to Family Drug Support Aotearoa New Zealand and Family Drug Support Australia based in the United Kingdom and they do excellent work supporting families of drug users. The following steps can…

"I" Statements

When a person feels that they are being blamed – whether rightly or wrongly – it’s common that they respond with defensiveness. “I” Statements are a simple way of speaking that will help you avoid this trap by reducing feelings of blame. A good “I” statement takes responsibility for one’s own feeling, while tactfully describing…

Mindfulness

As the popularity of mindfulness grows, so too does our understanding of the ways we can apply this to decrease stress, and increase mental wellbeing. What is mindfulness? Paying attention in a particular way: On purpose In the present moment Nonjudgmentally Appreciating the present moment by purposely and continually paying attention to it. Why practice…

Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication

During passive communication, a person prioritises the needs, wants, and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person does not express their own needs, or does not stand up for them. This can lead to being taken advantage of. Quiet/Soft spoken Allows others to take advantage Poor eye contact / looks down or…

Letting go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realisation that I can’t control another. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness,…

How am I feeling?

An online self help assessment https://www.counsellingsydney.com.au/do-i-have-depression-online-self-test/

Concealed Stigmas and What Science Tells Us About Our Need for Support

Some things we choose to share with our family/whanau, friends, and acquaintances. Such things may include: our successes, family members’ successes, holiday plans and even just small everyday matters. Some things we cannot easily share, because there may be a stigma attached to them. A stigma is a sort of secret which causes us shame…

About Boundaries

Boundary – ‘a limit on what is reasonable’ – Oxford English Dictionary. One of the areas that families of substance users have difficulty with is in setting boundaries that are effective and manageable. All relationships where people live together need boundaries in place to develop trust, stability and respect within the relationship. Effective boundaries give…