Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication
During passive communication, a person prioritises the needs, wants, and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person does not express their own needs, or does not stand up for them. This can lead to being taken advantage of.
- Quiet/Soft spoken
- Allows others to take advantage
- Poor eye contact / looks down or away
- Lack of confidence
Aggressive Communication
Through aggressive communication, a person expresses that only their own needs, wants, and feelings matter. The other person is bullied, and their needs are ignored.
- Speaks in a loud or overbearing way
- Wants their own way
- Frequently interrupts or does not listen
- Use of criticism, humiliation, and domination
Assertive Communication
Assertive communication emphasizes the importance of both peoples’ needs.
- Willing to compromise
- Confident tone / body language
- Good eye contact
- Listens and does not interrupt
Example
| Scenario | A friend asks to borrow your lawn mower. You need this each weekend |
| Passive | I don’t know, I guess its ok. When do you need it? |
| Aggressive | No! Don’t be stupid. Get one of your own. |
| Assertive | I need the mower at the weekends but you could borrow it during the week. |
Practice
| Scenario | Your daughter stays out late. She never turns up to meals. |
| Passive | |
| Aggressive | |
| Assertive |
| Scenario | Your partner left a mess in the house, and you’re worried about what you have found. |
| Passive | |
| Aggressive | |
| Assertive |
| Scenario | When you go out your partner always drinks more than others |
| Passive | |
| Aggressive | |
| Assertive |
| Scenario | A person showed up at your house uninvited to see your son. You’re suspicious about his motives. |
| Passive | |
| Aggressive | |
| Assertive |