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The importance of families, whanau and friends

Tony Trimingham, CEO and Founder of Family Drug Support Australia, talks about the importance of families, whanau and friends where there is concern about alcohol or other drug misuse by a family member or friend.

Letter to Friends and Family/Whānau

Someone you care about is drinking or using drugs. You can see many ways he or she is creating problems in his/her life and creating harm in yours. Whether your partner, child, sibling or friend, you have stood by them in support as they have tried or refused treatment. You…

Vicky’s Story

My youngest child has always held a special place in my heart.  Like most mothers to their children, my son and I have always been connected to each other through a sweet love and complex bond. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him…but I couldn’t follow him down a path of…

Tena koutou katoa, greetings all.

Tena koutou katoa, greetings all. No Waitaha, ķati Mamoe, ķai Tahu me Tauiwi oku iwi.   I am a descendant of the first nations peoples from the southern lands of Aotearoa on my mother’s side with Dutch, English, Irish and Australian bloods on my Papa’s.  I grew up in a…

Nicholas's Story

Mother of a Heroin Addict Nicholas was a much longed for child. Aware I would have no further children, his birth seemed especially poignant. Lavished with love he flourished growing into a kind, caring, sensitive, intelligent boy. From a young age he was a voracious reader mastering Shakespeare, the bible…

Anna’s Story

When I look back I see the journey with our son has been shrouded in substance misuse for a very long time. Publicly I was in denial, although privately I could see the journey he was on from his late secondary school days. Marijuana was initially his drug of choice.…

Opioid Dependence

If you think you or someone you know may be dependent on painkillers, then you’ve taken the right step by looking for information here. We’re here to help you learn about dependence, to the group of painkillers called opioids, and to guide you in finding help to overcome it. What…

Letting go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realisation that I can’t control another. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let…

Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication

During passive communication, a person prioritises the needs, wants, and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person does not express their own needs, or does not stand up for them. This can lead to being taken advantage of. Quiet/Soft spoken Allows others to take advantage Poor eye…

Mindfulness

As the popularity of mindfulness grows, so too does our understanding of the ways we can apply this to decrease stress, and increase mental wellbeing. What is mindfulness? Paying attention in a particular way: On purpose In the present moment Nonjudgmentally Appreciating the present moment by purposely and continually paying…

"I" Statements

When a person feels that they are being blamed – whether rightly or wrongly – it’s common that they respond with defensiveness. “I” Statements are a simple way of speaking that will help you avoid this trap by reducing feelings of blame. A good “I” statement takes responsibility for one’s…

Ways To Positively Express And Resolve Anger

Written and adapted by Tony Trimingham Family Drug Support Australia from various sources, especially the website of ADFAM UK. Adfam is a similar organisation to Family Drug Support Aotearoa New Zealand and Family Drug Support Australia based in the United Kingdom and they do excellent work supporting families of drug…

When Dialogue And Negotiation Doesn't Work

This maybe means that the first boundary to ask for is that there is to be dialogue and negotiation. If your attempts to achieve negotiation have not worked you may then have to impose it. This can be done verbally and/or in writing e.g. ‘I notice that whenever I try…

If A Boundary Is Broken

Written and adapted by Tony Trimingham FDS Australia from various sources, especially the website of Adfam, UK. Adfam is a similar organisation to Family Drug Support Aotearoa New Zealand and Family Drug Support Australia. You can expect boundaries to be broken by substance users – especially when they are first…

Setting A Boundary

Having thought about the boundary you would like to set and being prepared to talk about it, the next thing is to set it with the substance user. The skill to utilise is negotiation. It is important to build and maintain a dialogue between the user and other family/whānau members…

Defining The Boundary

What is the issue, circumstance, area of concern? What do you need to achieve? Examine your motive in wanting to set this boundary. Is it in response to clear thinking about an area of concern or is it an angry response to a set of circumstances? If the person wasn’t…

About Boundaries

Boundary – ‘a limit on what is reasonable’ – Oxford English Dictionary. One of the areas that families of substance users have difficulty with is in setting boundaries that are effective and manageable. All relationships where people live together need boundaries in place to develop trust, stability and respect within…

Concealed Stigmas and What Science Tells Us About Our Need for Support

Some things we choose to share with our family/whanau, friends, and acquaintances. Such things may include: our successes, family members’ successes, holiday plans and even just small everyday matters. Some things we cannot easily share, because there may be a stigma attached to them. A stigma is a sort of…

How am I feeling?

An online self help assessment https://www.counsellingsydney.com.au/do-i-have-depression-online-self-test/